"All hours in between are spent murdering time..."

Worst warped line-up to date

2007-04-25T20:23:08Z

who wants to pay 40something bucks to see:
Alesana, All Time Low, Amber Pacific, Anberlin, The Automatic Automatic, Bad Religion, Bayside, Big D and the Kids Table, Bleed The Dream, Bless the Fall more
Boys Like Girls, The Chariot, Chiodos, Circa Survive, Coheed and Cambria, Cute is What We Aim For, The Dear and Departed, Dont Die Cindy, Drop Dead, Gorgeous, Escape the Fate, Evaline, The Fabulous Rudies, Family Force 5, Funeral For A Friend, Gallows, The Graduate, Haste the Day, Hawthorne Heights, Human Abstract, It Dies Today, Killswitch Engage, K-OS, Mayday Parade, The Matches, Meg and Dia, My American Heart, New Found Glory, Norma Jean, Nothington, Paramore, Parkway Drive, Pennywise, Pepper, Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, Revolution Mother, Scary Kids Scaring Kids, Spill Canvas, The Starting Line, Straylight Run, Street Drum Corps, Throwdown, Tiger Army, Throw The Fight, The Toasters, The Unseen, The Vincent Black Shadowmore
..?

I wouldn't mind seeing Big D, Coheed, Pennywise, Matches, and a few others. New Found Glory would have been fun had they not put out their last few albums. Starting Line were alright before they put out that last CD, but I'm pretty over the kiddy emo shit anyhow. Looks like a bunch of shitty punk/metal and emo for the most part here and a bunch of bands I've never listened to.

Please correct me if there's anyone on that list really worth going to see.

I'd be down for some ska/punk or some really punk ass punk, I've heard the unseen were kinda gnarly, but I've yet to hear anything. Just not into all this emo trash that's been tossed on here. Hawthorne Heights... fuckin lick my balls.

so long 2006, u were a shit year and you won't be missed

2006-12-30T08:29:21Z

it's been a while
lot of things have changed
I've become somewhat of a recluse
I don't know what the shit I want to do with my life
it's nothing I can't handle though

turns out my best friend is a prick
he has his priorities all fuct, and he's just fucking himself more and more as the days go by in my opinion
we were supposed to see third eye blind tomorrow, my favorite band in the fuckin universe, and the littel fucker takes off work and everything and we were supposed to go, this is like a month in advance, then like 3 days before the show, he tells me he's going to get sushi with some friend of his that totally blows and isn't cool at all, and he's going to do that instead of go to the show... so I'm just thinkin, wow, are u fucking kidding me, third eye blind or sushi with some girl that sucks anyhow... my only thought is that prolly he is going to see this other bitch as well that he's still hung up on and in love with an shit, but she's fuckin dumb and treats him like shit if u ask me... so basically fuck him, he's a dick, thanks for being a shitty friend... I didn't realize this was going to bother me so much, but it really has, oh well... I guess when it comes down to it we're all on our own and shouldn't count on anyone else for anything, my mistake

shit has gone sour for a lot of friends of mine recently, it fuckin breaks my heart and I feel like there isn't enough I can do, as well as it putting me in some uncomfortable positions
hopefully next year will see shit get better for everyone, I know I had a rough year, but things should sort themselves out in 07

I haven't talked to a certain girl that used to be the fuckin love of my life and other such nonsense in quite some time, and I feel that it's better that way... I feel she would have contacted me by now if she cared enough, and maybe she doesn't, or maybe she just wants to get on with her life as do I, u know... I've been with some other girls and shit and I've moved on, but she'll always be someone special to me, it just has become more and more clear to me that what happened was going to happen and there wasn't shit I could do about it, we just weren't going to workout, we were just at totally different places in our lives and it couldn't continue to be cool for any longer really... I hope she doesn't have any hatred for me an such, I still care for her, I don't have any ill feeling toward her, I only wish that I had not been so dumb in our last month or so together and that I had not dragged things out like I did, it only made things worse, I should have just acknowleged that things weren't working out and let her go, I think it would have been a better move on my part, but I was blinded by a lot of shit and I got downright pathetic at the very end of our relationship... it's embarassing really, I was real dumb about certain things, it was my first time dealing with any of that and I realize this all now though, so I guess we live and we learn, sometimes things just can't work out the way we hoped is all, it blows but oh well, no sense in crying about it...

I have a lot of empathy for other ppl, but sometimes I just don't know what the fuck to say, u know what I mean? I dunno what I mean, except that maybe, when a friend comes to u and says something really shitty that has happened to them, like, hey, my dad just died, or hey, my boyfriend of 3 years and I just broke up, or other such things, all I can really say is "fuck," damn, that fucking sucks," and/or "shiiiiit, I'm sorry..."
what really is there to say, u know, u can make smalltalk type shit about it, but when it really comes down to it, I think ppl just need other ppl around that give a shit about them, regardless what they have to say as far as all that goes
I hope my friends know that I really give a fuck about them and I got their back when it comes down to it regardless of if I'm a dick or not to them at times or whatever type bullshit comes between us every now and then.

I have more things to say, but I've said too much as is, I babble too much anyhow
I hope everyone is doing well
I hope that next year will be better for us all

PS: I love you
each and every one of u fuckers, that is

PPS: I'm sorry that I'm such a dick

-Adam

It's only me

2006-09-28T01:14:34Z

I don't think I'm going to be a shrink anymore. I don't want to deal with people's bullshit anymore than any of us already have to in everyday life, I decided. I also don't want to understand why people do the fucked up shit they do. Better yet, I don't want to think that I understand. That's really more what it is. I'm afraid of what I'd become.

I wish I could relate more to other people. Fuck that, I'm actually glad I can't relate to other people more often than not. I think they mostly suck.

I wanna be a part of something bigger, but it's just me right now.

That last post was kinda weird, I was pretty strung out that week though. I've developed this hippy-ish mindset.

Whatever...
fuck everything
amen

we are all our own saviors

2006-09-12T08:24:59Z

I read something about something earlier. It made me think earlier. It makes me think again now.

I had a dream today, I think it was today, I don't know the difference anymore. (It's all pretty arbitrary, it's a sunrise and a sunset, it goes on whether ur awake or asleep.) It was beautiful.

I think I'm looking for something that can't be found and I think I'm wanting what I can't get.

I've been feeling pretty visionary lately, it's not normal for me.

I aim for a little more composure in myself.

I think the most beautiful things in this world are often overlooked.

I'm making a new religion
but it's only for me
cuz you can only find it on your own
it doesn't tell you what to do

I hope to be discovered.

and there's a lot of things I'd still like to say that I can't say because I can't afford to have anyone else know how I feel anymore.

I think I'm onto something so beautiful I can't even explain.

"doesn't change the fact that I always liked having you around"

2006-07-16T00:26:51Z

this prolly isn't something that ever goes away, but I try my best to hate you less with each passing day...
________________________________________________________________________________

time heals, but we all have our scars
life moves on, as do I
________________________________________________________________________________

I've said some terrible things that I don't even feel sorry for
maybe I'm a bad person
or maybe you just deserve it

cuz it isn't like I was the one with my hand on the gun
all the bullets came from your direction
and just when it was done I got ready for another injection
I was so drugged up, I was so fuct up for you

and I've come to learn what it feels like to care more for another person
it feels like shit when they ain't even got ur back
than myself
I shoulda looked out for me

and I don't need the bullshit that you deal just on purpose
there's more to me than what lies on the surface
the same can't be said, the same can't be said for you
I still can't comprehend all the shit that you put me through

and I'll be the one to take responsibilty for your actions
cuz you would always just act like nothing ever happened
it's not cool, it's just wrong
I guess I set this up, I guess I put myself in this position

well I'm still trying
I'm trying my best to deal with the fact that someone so close could hurt me so bad
and I'm trying my best to keep myself from never trusting again
cuz I don't wanna be a bitter person
I don't wanna end up like you

yeah... mosh mosh surf till

2006-06-26T01:53:40Z

maybe it's just too soon, but I don't care if I ever talk to you...
again

_________________________________________________________________________________

Warped tour was a helluvalot of fun even though I flew a little more solo than usual. Met up with Beth and some other cool kids, but mostly was freelancin it. There was this other person I thought I'd see there, but I've kinda lost all respect for her now. I can't make anymore excuses for her, and I'm all out of forgiveness. She's not my friend. Not now anyway, maybe someday, but I really don't even care anymore, I'm better than the bullshit.

Less Than Jake was def my fav. Crowd surfed for the first time, it was pretty dope. I've never been ballsy enough to try it, always seeing ppl getting dropped and all, but I was watching everyone else and I figured out there are ways to do it that make ur chances of gettin dropped way less. So I got these 2 huge dudes to throw me up there and I surfed up to the barracade and the lead singer made eye contact with me and I'm just like fuckin rock on. Then I sprinted back around and got back in on the pit again. I dunno if that sounds lame, but it was mad fun.

Overall, this year was a bit weaker, but there were enough performances that rocked for it to still have been mad fun and well worth it. I saw Academy Is..., Thursday, Anti-flag, NOFX, Less Than Jake, and a few others. Those were the only ones I was really into though. Good times.

That is all.
back to the fucking bullshit

lost at sea, but hey, it's nice out there

2006-05-13T03:32:14Z

20 without a purpose or direction
but I know what I believe in, so that's a start

I was way too dependant
and it was only holding me back
it was a bad situation and our age difference finally tore us apart
I'll always care about her, but it's time for a new chapter to the epic story that is my life
actually, it's not so epic, most of the pages are filled with sleeping, but whatever, sleep can be pretty fuckin epic actually, so I take it back

I have no idea what I want to do with my life
it feels nice

I've always felt like a lying asshole when I've told people (especially adults) about my future plans, I think I'll just say I have no clue from now on and even once I do figure out what I want to do, I think I'll continue to say I have no clue, cuz it just makes life easier. There's no pressure or expectations when nobody knows what you're planning on doing. No pressure from myself either.

New me doesn't overthink bullshit as much
New me is self-sufficient
New me is alright with things new me has no control over
New me wants to make this shitty ass world less shitty for everyone if he can
New me is going to stop referring to self as new me cuz it sounds mad gay

--we spend all our time wishing on fire in the skies
but dreams burn out fast... and then you die
so the lesson to be learned is to not waste your time
happiness is what happens when your own star shines--

she meant everything to me

2006-04-24T03:28:08Z

I don't want to be emo and I'm not going to be, but I seriously loved this girl to death. This is so much harder than I ever could have expected it to be.

I worried about her all week and I guess she didn't even think of me.

How can you just stop loving someone in a matter of weeks, when you've been together for nearly two years.

I don't know how to feel or what to think.

I need to remember to eat, because I think I'm making myself sick. I've never had multiple layers of clothes on and been underneath blankets and still been cold (unless I had a pretty bad fever). I wonder if I have a fever.

I really wish it didn't have to end like this. This makes me so goddamn sad.

I have no idea how I'm going to study for finals when I don't really give a shit about anything at the moment.

I'm not sure if I'm ok or not

2006-04-22T07:07:55Z

I'm trying my hardest to not give a fuck right now. I really don't think I'll be able to keep this up though. There is definitely something missing from my life and I can't ignore that.

I don't want to feel like this anymore.

I'm really really hoping for the best, but this is the fucking hardest shit. I'm no good at waiting.

Tonight was a blast / so much fun. I didn't fall apart at all or anything. It's just right now that I've let myself sit and think and yeah... I hate everything so much, this isn't right.

I'm just truely sad and that's how best I can describe myself right now. Probably nobody can tell the difference, but this is fucking killing me.

I could be fine, I just don't want to be. I want everything to be cool again.

I want to believe that everything's going to be just fine, but I worry 'bout u all the time

2006-04-21T05:05:41Z

The problem at hand doesn't bother me even half as much as not knowing how you're doing. It doesn't have to be like this. I know what we said, but it wouldn't hurt to check up.

I want to help.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

I'm a frustrated person
and I often have visions which involve me smashing things (usually glass) with a baseball bat
so today I bought a bat
and played baseball with some apples and oranges

________________________________________________________________________________________________

I'll be just fine, and I have plenty of friends I can turn to if I need help.
It doesn't help the fact that I still find myself spacing out to near tears every so often and want nothing to do with anything going on around me. I fight that, and I stay in the game.

This is really fucking difficult.

Awake, unfortunately

2006-04-18T21:51:03Z

right now it's morning
can't sleep no more and
the thought of doing anything
is nothing I'd like to think about
but one way or another I need to get out
of this mindset that I'm stuck in
believing there is nothing more
worth caring for

the beach was seeming like such a great escape
were it not for all the clouds today
were it not for all the memories involving you
that my eyes would project onto the ocean blue
I just want one thing to call my own right now
but there isn't anything I can think of that won't get me thinking of you

I think I'll sit round here instead
and learn some chords to fill my head
with melody that might be enough for me
to clear my mind so I can rest in peace
and not just toss and turn avoiding sleep
knowing for sure that if I do I'll just dream
another dream where you and me are so happy
and I'll eventually wake up and feel all crappy
and write songs with such awful rhymes
but at least it kills some time
till I can sleep again

ah, back to the good ol' days when I used to post horrible stuff like this... who wants to kill me?

2006-04-17T11:00:49Z

I watch the sun set
and I watch the sun rise
and I see the world through my own eyes
if only you too could see through mine
never closing, always open, all through the night
if only yours could see inside my mind
to know that it thinks of you all the time
if only you could understand your own
then we wouldn't need the phone
quite so much cept to know
times and spots where to meet
cuz a voice heard over open air sounds so much better than when the sender is on the other side of a wire so so many miles away
I pray to never be so far
that's why I have a car
that I burn gas with all too often
in hopes of being welcomed home
with open arms to keep me warm and close at heart
wish it were so, but I fear yours is hard
with what, I don't know
but it's been a long time since you've welcomed me home
these days I just feel alone

I wonder if this is as hard for you as it is for me...

2006-04-17T01:35:59Z

I feel like a small child who didn't listen to his mother and leaned over the handrail, fell, and is now just barely hanging on by the edge, soon to plummet if somebody doesn't save his stupid ass.

I'm getting so fucked up inside.
It's only been 1 day.
Fuck.

PS: Jessie is a very good friend.

"cuz nobody knows the way it's gonna be"

2006-04-16T02:59:46Z

Adam probably just lost the most important thing in his life.
I'll be ok, I just hope that I'm wrong.

so cold and empty

2006-04-06T03:53:24Z

it's irony that the insensitive one should be treated so insensitively

everything sucks when your cards are down

2006-04-04T07:24:06Z

I hope I haven't gone and fucked up a good thing.
So many memories and feelings and so much more can be had, but not if I can't just fuckin relax and stop attacking every little problem as if its apocalyptic. Thank you self for all your bad advise, now go fuck urself cuz ur a stupid fuck.

In other news:
Justin was longboarding through the courtyard to our apartment as Ivar and I watched from the window with nigger chaser (bottle rocket without the stick) in hand. So I light that shit and Ivar tosses it onto the sidewalk. Justin skates right over it and the last thing we hear is like "whoa, what are you guys doing?" in the goofiest tone as Justin like bails off his longboard and goes running for the parking lot. Next thing we know that shit lights up and goes spiraling in his direction, slams him in the ass then turns around and comes back at him again before exploding nearby. Fucking hilarious. No niggers were harmed in the process, but apparently, Justin is a nigger, cuz he got chased. Must be the hair, bro, must be the hair.

Ivar and I are goin to look at apartments tomorrow and we're going to need 2 roommates if anyone is interested.

Where we all are, where we all were, where are we all going?

2006-03-31T01:01:43Z

Losing sleep. Gaining stress. Blowing shit up. Watering shit down. Juice is nice. Need more fire. Hope is good. Outlook bleak. Negativity depressing. Wanting more. So in love.

There are no rules
and I don't have to make sense
that's freedom of expression
there's nothing deep there, just disconnected thoughts shortened to 2 or 3 words

The problem isn't that I can't understand anything, the problem is that I want to understand everything. I'm feeling real far from where I want to be.

I'm not sure why I stopped using this thing, but it's become apparent to me that I need some outlets to get shit off my chest, so I figure I'll make an effort to hit this shit up a bit.

I haven't read many posts since the last time I posted, so I don't know what's going on with anyone that I don't keep in regular contact with.

These next few years will change me.

I wish I had more time to myself to figure out what's important to me, but I shouldn't even be on this thing right now, I should be studying, I should be working on multiple projects, I should be figuring out how I'm going to pay rent next year and where I'm going to live and who else I can find to room with me, I should be figuring out what I want to do with my life and how I'm going to get that done, I should have made an apointment with my advisor, I should figure out if I'm going to be able to get into medschool like I seem to believe I have a shot here, I need to remember how to make complete sentences and that commas don't substitute for periods, and I need to get on top of shit, I need to start exercising because I feel like I'm dying cuz my body is a piece of shit compared to how it could work, I wish I could pause time for a while and catch up cuz everything is passing me by.

I need someone to tell me it's all going to be okay, and that I should put the drugs away, but there's nobody here to say, so I'll let that shit pound through my veins

Dopamine, you may own me, but I can still control you. You'll be my bitch eventually. I'll train harder. Soon you'll see; I'll be the master.

AIDS + SARS... like that alkaline trio song u don't know, "I'm fatally yours"

2005-10-18T02:10:28Z

I do not know how you have put up with my lame ass for this long
I would have left me by now if I was you
of course if I was me I would have left anyone but you by now
if you weren't you, but rather, someone else, then I wouldn't still be around

you danced with me in the middle of the highway, and I guess you love me just the way I am...

there's nothing I could do that would be enough or what I wanted to do or say or anything cuz I'm just not as good at expressing myself as I'd like to be, so I'm sorry, but I hope my best has been enough

that was a really nice week/weekend
now it's going to be a long long month

the more you lie to yourself the closer you get to believing

2005-09-19T23:32:11Z

repetition is best for controlling minds, they know this, we all know this

I read an article about brain chips the other day, that's going to be pretty scary once they figure out how to use those for sure, u think like yeah, that's never going to happen, but they've already used chips to help correct people's vision and their have been tests done in animals in which a remote control can make the poor thing turn agressive or docile... oh well, whatever, I'll just be sure to get some brain chips that make me not such a dumbass, but I'll get some of those remote controlled ones for you guys cuz I think it would be cool to have a bunch of remote controlled biznatches to do everything for me

I think I'm getting nerdier and yet dumber at the same time... is that irony, kids?

Today marks the start of the nonstop music playage from my itunes
one song after another, no random, just straight through playness
that's 15.5 days of music, therefore, by the transmusicalpropertyoflovedrugssexandrocknroll that's 15.5 days of party

I left my belt at home
I used my amp chord instead, it seems like something some lameass trendy kid would do, only they would do it when they had like 5 belts to choose from, it actually has been working pretty well as far as pants hold-upage goes

I want a dog for our room

I think I might be lonely, it's been over a month since I've spent any time alone with my one and only
[insert crybaby emo babbling here]

I'm sick
in more ways than you know
but I'm getting better, so...
whatever

that was almost like a little poem, did you like that?
I didn't.

ok, bye

one crack short of a break

2005-08-25T16:22:31Z

I blame it all on that lion
he fucked up my life

things that hurt are becoming clearer
and life looks more frightening than usual
I feel and fear the only way to be saved is to not care at all
I guess I'll just keep on hurting

I don't understand how people can be so bad to eachother
the lies and the bullshit and the complete ignorance of it leave me feeling disgusted
it makes me feel so unsafe

the fraternities are setup outside the union, reminds me of some of the attitudes I've witnessed which have left me disgusted, I just shake my head as I walk by and I smile cuz I know I'm so much better than that shit

and in some ways I believe both sides to every story
there is no right, there is no wrong
we have every right to believe what we want
though I'd like to think there is some sort of truth in life
please don't push your beliefs on me
so preachers handing me shit, seriously now, seriously, just take ur jesus fliers and shove them up ur asses

I've been thinking a lot about people lately

our new roommate moved in sunday
he keeps to himself and he's kinda nerdy, but I like him, he seems like a good guy

it's too easy to judge people without ever giving them a chance, it makes life easier
I like to laugh at people I don't know, but if ever I were to come in contact with them in a real situation, I'd like to think I would give them full respect and a chance to show me if they sucked or not

I like living on the 3rd floor, it makes it easier to jump

I have so much respect for my love, especially after seeing her in action at the meet
I hate telephones and I miss your face even though I just saw it yesterday
I think it's the stress of transition that's making me more pissy and girly, though u haven't helped too much with making me not, I still love you to death

I wonder so much
am I doing this right?
I don't wanna fuck it all up
I'm sure I will though
maybe I'm just overly self-critical

but seriously, maybe this isn't how it's supposed to be

it doesn't fucking matter, I need to shut the fuck up

I have so many more things I could babble about right now, but this post is already too long, so fuck it

I had awful dreams last night

2005-08-06T14:35:08Z

and the night before

I got in a car accident, it was a really bad one

and last night I thought sarah died, she hadn't though, but u know my dream still had to make it shitty for me by puttin an extra twist in the mix

I need a dreamcatcher
this shit sucks

I kept thinkin of that car wreck while I was driving on 417 the other day
and now I'm wondering about certain things that I have no reason to wonder about

fuck my awful dreams

whatever, I think I'm going to the beach today
and warped tour is tomorrow
hopefully no bad dreams tonight

the only reason I have to believe it are the words that you leave with

2005-08-04T01:34:52Z

no matter what you say,
I can't leave you alone
I can't stay away

deliver me unto friday, cuz the weekend looks oh so good

2005-08-01T03:02:48Z

Sarah can go to warped!
I really was hoping for but def not counting on. That's gonna be fun, I'm not too impressed with the line-up this year, but I seriously do wait all year for warped and it's going to be good. So much love.

and then...

Jamie and I are going to Washington freakin DC!
haha, yeah, I hadn't been plannin on that one, but she asked me the other day and I was like, hmmmm...
it should be pretty badass, I'm stoked
I'm surprised Sarah doesn't mind in the least, or at least that's what she says. That's pretty cool that she trusts me. She has no reason not to, but I just know that I would def not like the idea of her going to another state with a dude friend of hers for a week.

anyhow, back to studying, or thinking about how I need to be studying, biology...
fuck finals

"Spicy was big, burly, and strong
his pipes were gigantic
and so was his schlong
from city to city, runnin around
always lookin for chicks over 400 pounds"

feeling like shit cuz I let my thoughts push me in it

2005-07-27T01:50:13Z

life may be about to get a lot harder
I don't want to think about it

my heart burns, but I don't have heartburn
I'm hungry
I'm not tired, but I want to go to sleep

I need something/someone to counter all the shit I've been talking to myself

I need warped tour
I need you there with me

"I could be so much more than this...
...no one cares"

with one wooden stake through the heart, and two claratin...

2005-07-07T03:34:19Z

and two claratin...
lmao

yesterday was freaking amazing
going to absolutely block out the part of it that involved my mother though, cuz that was just weird and shouldn't have been... but yeah...

we got to meet the trio, which was... amazing. I got my shoes signed. I got my album cover signed. Kenny got his pill bottle signed. First pill bottle they've ever signed, who'd have guessed, u'd think everyone would be asking for autographed perscriptions.
I GOT A HUG FROM THE SKIBSTER!
yeah, that's right, Matt Skiba gave me a fucking hug, who the fuck gave you a hug? Yeah, that's what I thought.

and after the show, I picked up 2 guitar picks and 2 quarters and 1 dog tag which was meant for a dog... yeah, that last pickup was kinda weird, but word.

The show was badass, they never disappoint, that was the 4th time I've seen 'em and I'll be there next time they're in town.

I had ridiculous amounts of free tickets... ironically, I paid for my own ticket.
I scalped one, and the others were used by the most diehard of alkaline trio fans (aka P.bunny and K-dawg)... well, there was that one, but we're not gonna talk about that one.

22 bucks and a shot of vodka... now if that isn't shady... if only the comic book cop knew what was up...

in conclusion, on a scale of 1 to badass
yesterday was badass

on a side note: I got a call tonight from the keys, it was amazing and I love that girl

"I'm takin my own life with Coors"
so awesome